
not all ninety-two, obviously
Novelty Homeware
The Periodic Table, With The Actual Elements Inside It
A 23cm acrylic block with real samples of the elements sealed into their own cells, lit from a wooden base.
Buy this nonsense$70.55$30.83(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)- periodic table
- elements
- science decor
- chemistry
- display
- acrylic
What Is This Thing?
An acrylic slab, about 23cm by 15cm and 2.5cm thick, with the periodic table printed across it and small cavities drilled into the cells. Each cavity holds a real sample of that element — a chip of bismuth, a coil of copper, a bead of silicon — sealed in and visible from both sides.
It stands in a wooden base with a light in it, so the samples glow from below.
Why You Don't Need It
A printed periodic table costs a dollar and contains the same information. The samples add nothing you can use: you cannot handle them, weigh them, or do anything to them.
It is also not the full table. The radioactive elements are not in there, the gases are represented by sealed ampoules of very little, and several of the rare earths look identical to each other, which is chemically accurate and visually disappointing.
Why You'll Buy It Anyway
Because nearly everyone has seen the chart and almost nobody has seen the things. Carbon as a word is a box in row two; carbon as a splinter of graphite a millimetre across is a different experience, and having sixty of those side by side makes the point that the table is a catalogue of actual substances rather than a diagram.
The lit base is doing more work than it looks like it should. Backlit, the metals read as metals.


Who It's Actually For
Students, obviously, and the kind of parent who buys a telescope. It works as a desk object in a way that a poster does not, because it invites being picked up.
Also anyone furnishing a room around objects rather than pictures — it sits happily next to a skull, a globe or a model engine, which is a specific but real category of shelf.
before you click buy
Check the size. At 23cm wide this is a substantial object and the listing photographs, which show it next to a small ornament, undersell it.
Confirm which elements are actually included. Sellers vary and the count matters more than the price here — a table with forty populated cells and a table with sixty are visibly different objects.
more things nobody needs

you own three of these already
Novelty Homeware
The Balance Organ From Inside Your Head, In Plastic
A 21cm model of the semicircular canals — the fluid loops in your inner ear that tell you which way is up. Fluid actually moves.
Buy this nonsense$50.40(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
18cm, permanently condimented
Novelty Homeware
A Hot Dog That Will Outlive You
An 18cm plastic hot dog with moulded mustard and ketchup. Built for shop windows and food photography. Never spoils, never edible.
Buy this nonsense$8.17(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the blower is not included
Novelty Homeware
The Flailing Tube Man, Six Metres Of Him
The wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man, in five colours and up to six metres tall. The blower is sold separately.
Buy this nonsense$67.00$49.39(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
fungus, but make it electrical
Novelty Homeware
The Plug-In Mushrooms That Glow When The Room Goes Dark
Three translucent mushrooms on a wall plug, lit from within and switched by a light sensor. No switch, no cable.
Buy this nonsense$2.95$1.47(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the bubbles never stop
Novelty Homeware
A Volcano In A Box That Erupts Forever
A 22cm tower with a moulded volcano inside, pushing lit bubbles upward on a loop. Remote control, several colours.
Buy this nonsense$56.10$28.05(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the dial does nothing
Novelty Homeware
The Rotary Phone That Records Your Wedding Guests
A 1960s-style rotary telephone that records a message onto an SD card when a guest lifts the receiver. Six colours, no phone line.
Buy this nonsense$92.88(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)