
worn point-forward is wrong
Absurd Costumes
Napoleon's Hat, Worn Sideways Like He Did
A black felt bicorne with a French tricolour cockade and gold trim. The specific hat one man made impossible to wear seriously.
Buy this nonsense$69.85$38.42(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)- napoleon hat
- bicorne
- historical costume
- french
- cosplay hat
- party costume
What Is This Thing?
A bicorne — a two-cornered felt hat, folded flat front and back — in black, with a red-white-and-blue cockade pinned to one side and a gold cord along the brim. One variant adds gold trim around the whole edge.
Every naval and staff officer in Europe wore one of these for about eighty years. Exactly one of them wore it side-on rather than point-forward, and that decision is the reason you recognise the shape at all.
Why You Don't Need It
It is a hat for one specific costume, and that costume is a two-hundred-year-old French emperor. There is no second occasion.
It also does not fold, does not pack, and will arrive in a box considerably larger than the thing you ordered.
Why You'll Buy It Anyway
Because it is one of about four objects in the world that constitutes a complete costume on its own. A bicorne worn sideways, a hand in a jacket, and you are done — no other item required, no explanation required, recognisable across every country that has a school history syllabus.
Thirty-eight dollars for a costume you can assemble from a hat and an existing coat compares well against anything in a fancy dress shop.


Who It's Actually For
Fancy dress with a deadline, historical reenactment at the amateur end, and theatre or school productions where the hat has to read from the back of a hall.
It also has a small second life as a wall object. Mounted on a shelf a bicorne looks deliberate in a way most costume pieces do not.
before you click buy
Check the head size. Felt hats from this category run small and a bicorne perched on top of a head rather than sitting in it loses the whole silhouette.
Decide between the plain and the gold-trimmed version deliberately. The plain one is closer to the portraits; the gold-trimmed one photographs better under artificial light.
more things nobody needs

the claws are the only firm part
Absurd Costumes
Enormous Furry Feet With Claws On Them
Chunky fur slippers shaped as animal paws with three hard claws at the front. Brown or black, sized to about EU 40-42.
Buy this nonsense$31.54$15.77(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
you become a diagram of yourself
Absurd Costumes
A Full-Body Suit Wired With Pixel LEDs
A jacket and trousers traced with programmable colour LEDs along every limb. Visible from a very long way away.
Buy this nonsense$120.00$55.20(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the pacifier is not removable
Absurd Costumes
An Adult-Sized Inflatable Baby, In Blue Or Pink
A full-body inflatable baby suit with a giant head, one curl of hair and a permanent pacifier. Sold in blue and pink.
Buy this nonsense$45.03(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the spine is the whole joke
Absurd Costumes
A Plush Dinosaur Skull With A Spine That Follows You
A soft skull worn as a hood, with a long plush ribcage and spine that trails down the wearer's back. Not just a hat.
Buy this nonsense$12.99(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
there is no face
Absurd Costumes
A Featureless Inflatable Blob In Nine Colours
A full-body inflatable suit with no character and no face — just an enormous smooth shape, available in nine colours.
Buy this nonsense$23.43$13.59(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
the tail is the best part
Absurd Costumes
A Blow-Up Mouse The Size Of A Refrigerator
A full-body inflatable mouse with buck teeth and a round belly, in grey or brown. Comes with a tail nobody mentions.
Buy this nonsense$22.73(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)