UselessFinds
Sandals That Are Just Two Fish

open mouth, open toe

Absurd Costumes

Sandals That Are Just Two Fish

Open-toed sandals moulded and painted as bass, down to the gills and the gaping mouth. PVC and EVA, sizes 32 to 47.

Buy this nonsense$26.26$13.13(sponsored link, opens in a new tab)
  • fish slippers
  • novelty sandals
  • bass
  • beach
  • funny footwear
  • gag gift

What Is This Thing?

A pair of sandals moulded in the shape of a fish — specifically a bass, painted in convincing greens and silvers, with scales, gills, a dorsal fin and a fully open mouth at the toe.

You put your foot in through the mouth. Your toes come out where the fish's throat would be.

They are made from PVC and EVA, which is the same material as any beach slide, and they run from size 32 to 47, which is an unusually wide range and suggests they sell to entire families.

Why You Don't Need It

You will look like a person standing in two fish. There is no angle from which this is subtle and no outfit that absorbs it.

The open toe also means the fish's mouth is permanently gaping around your foot, which the product photographs make no attempt to soften.

Why You'll Buy It Anyway

These have been selling for years and the volume on this listing — 277 recently — says it is not slowing down. The reason is that they hit the exact register a beach shoe should: nobody is dressed up at a lake, nobody is being judged, and a pair of fish is the correct amount of effort.

They also photograph absurdly well in water, which is most of why they exist. The listing's own best image is simply two feet in a river, and the buyer photographs below it are all variations on the same shot.

Sandals That Are Just Two Fish — photograph 2
Sandals That Are Just Two Fish — photograph 3

Who It's Actually For

Fishing trips, where they are close to obligatory and where at least one person will already own a pair. Beaches, pools, and any holiday where footwear needs to survive being wet and nobody cares what it looks like.

Also, reliably, fathers. This is a gift with a demographic.

before you click buy

Size up rather than down. Moulded sandals in this style run narrow through the mouth, and the reviews across every seller of them say the same thing.

They are not walking shoes. PVC with no arch support over a long day is a different kind of memorable, and that is not what these are for.

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